Irvine Kinneas

Ha....HA...hah... haha... I found it! NORG's secret... office... Dr. Cid.... I know how to get to it... but i'm naked and have no weapons... or people... and I'm dehydrated... and possibly suffering from a stroke... ugh... must make my way back... tell others.... lead them to Cid.... bleh... almost all over....

People of the.. mal! I think... I'll be coming out....between fountains 2 and 3... gather a party... and bring me some clothes... and maybe a gun... and a woman... a hot one..condoms too.... ugh...

Its %$#$ing HOT!!!!! But I think I've almost found Dr. Cid! I think... my brain is kind of fried right now.. these vents are awfully hot... Is that a dragon!? DRAGON!? Does it drop a 4 Stam, 4 Strength leather belt!? Must... kill dragon... must loot it... Ugh....

*Passes out*

Pft..... so much for not making it through the ventilation shafts! It wasn't that hot in them.... granted... my clothes are.. rather missing themselves at the moment, but I can always get some more clothes. Ladies, if you see a naked adonis roaming the mall and climbing into ventilation shafts, DON'T be alarmed. I'm here to please.

I suppose I should look for Dr. Cid's secret office... but then again, this gives me an excuse to be naked in public, so whatever. Dr. Cid can come later.

( Private )

Yes yes, applause is in order to the great Vincent Valentine to enslaving a bunch of my fellow mallborites into the Tawn gang. We're all very impressed, yada yada.

Why isn't anyone talking about me? Do anyone of you even have any idea how many sweet babes I've converted into Drags using my charm, wit, and bodily fluids? I think not! I'm willing to hazard a guess that I've single handedly converted 75% of the dimmer, more attractive females. Jecht would have a higher tag count, but he's been too busy with Blitzball I would assume.

Oh, and Kuja, if you're going to keep Dragons around, make sure they're actually tough. While it is against my nature as a Drag to slay a dragon, that dragon was one heck of a pathetic dragon. Not even worth calling it an actual dragon. One good Pulse Ammo blast to the face of that thing and it was down!

Let's see how you survive now without your dragon lending you protection.

Eh. So I've become a Drac, its not all that bad. I don't feel any different, I'm just more tempted to carry my shotgun around with me more often and possibly blow the heads off of lardasses I'm trying to coach at work. What is their problem!? They aren't gonna lose wait by not agreeing to chase and devour nearby Tawns...

Jecht has become a Moog.... I'm suddenly hating him a lot more than I usually do *ahem* I'm suddenly hating him as opposed to being generally neutral to him.

Some rude dwarves have set up camp outside the mall and refuse to let anyone in unless they married. This isn't really a problem for me though. Hell, the ceremony takes all of 10 minutes, I just marry whatever broad happens to cross my path so I can get in. I must be married to like... 10... maybe 15 women by now. Dwarves don't seem to give a damn either, in fact, they've been praising me like I'm some kind of Sex God. Or maybe they want to rip out my heart and eat it, hell I don't know, all their little ceremonies look and sound the same. I can't half tell if I'm getting married or about to get maimed. I mean, sure I've haven't so far been maimed, but its so hard to tell...

The other day, while still shumi, I was waddling around the mall. Seeing if I couldn't find any attractive shumis, Mall Shumi'ing, ya know? Well, I was pretty wrong, I didn't find any hot Shumis. They all looked fat, yellow, and ugly, and most looked like if I touched them their slimy skin would rub off onto my hand like liquid wax.

Regardless, I figured I may as well get it on as a Shumi, "Shumi Sex might just be the best Sex" I figured. So I found this female shumi (A Shemui? I wasn't completely sure, but I really hoped because I wasn't no gay shumi, like NORG's cousin GRON. I mean really, his name is like a little short of Groin, and nobody ever thinks of a chick when they say Groin, or if you are, its a she-male. Shumi).

So I flirted with her as best as I could without puking, and took her back to my place and we got it onnn all night. Hell, at first I just figured Shumi Sex really is the best sex, but after we turned into humans later that night we got it on again and it was even better! She was a hell of a good lay she was. We even did some roleplayin'! She was pretending to write a letter to a ex or something while we got it on! I figured it must've been a fake letter since it was adressed to "Blank."

Anyhow, since she was such a good lay (Even got a personality similar to Sefie, she's damn enthusiastic 'bout just about everything), I've decided to keep seein' her for awhile. Least a little while anyway. Think she said her name was... Garnet? Nah... Vermillion? Rubulus? Rutilus? Amarant? Nah that's a dude's name... Amber? Ah hell, whatever, I'll remember it when I see her.

I won't say much, other than that I have decided to wear very very dark sunglasses so that I can't see myself, or anyone else very clearly. I'm also gonna stay the hell away from mirrors. With that said, I think I'll manage okay this week, still... moving around is a bitch, and I can't even freaking grab anything... and did I mention my chin is longer than my torso? God it feels disgusting... I'm all slimy... eh... maybe I should wear some gloves so I can't feel my body at all too.... but where the hell am I gonna find gloves that fit this bowling ball hands? Maybe I'll ask NORG...

Some super hot new blonde chick has come to the mall (Hell, she may have been here before, I don't remember) but regardless of whether or not I've met here, I think I'd remember if I did her. In other words, no I haven't yet. Anyhow, she seems brainwashed. or hell I don't know, maybe she's just high, but I'd think she's probably pretty impressionable right now. I just gotta keep feeding her my name and blah blah blah, and her brainwashed (or stoned out) state of being will begin to work in my favor.

( Locke )

Don Corneo can go bite himself, the fucker. That whole damn 'date' was just miserably bad, and you know what? I want revenge. And there ain't nobody that can stop me since I'm going to Great Mallboro to exact it. Heh heh. No I won't kill him, nor maim him or otherwise injure him, but he'll regret ever having come to Mallboro.

In other news, I need a team. I'm a pretty good Striker I'd say, and can also play Middle. I don't care what team, I just wanna play. So, any teams looking for a good striker for after the tournament?